ni de aquí, ni de allá

ni de aquí, ni de allá

by Elixandra Alvarez

what makes a place a home

is it given to you, do you earn it

is a home made or bought

who decides what home is

i can't tell you what it is

because home is where you belong

and i don't belong anywhere

not with my almost perfect english and not with my almost perfect spanish

not with my polio shot scar that is like a food label on my arm and not with my high school diploma, the proof of my upbringing

not with my light skin and curls that make you a bruja and not with my dark skin and straight hair that make you ethno-ambiguous  

you don't belong here,they concrete pavement reminds me

you weren't born here

we don't care that you've lived here almost all your life

it's only been 17 years

how dare you call this

home

you didn't grow up here, the flowered walkways chastise me

we don't care that your mother took a pasola to the hospital, tubi done, rosary in hand

wobbling on the linoleum floors to birth you.

we simply don't bother to care

you don't know either of our struggles, but what about mine?

what is home

to someone like me

where do I fit where

do i belong

no soy ni de aquí

ni de allá